A very relevant and immediate topic in my life has to do with marriage, living together, and if the two have to come in a pair.Zack is planning on proposing by the end of the summer. It could be as early as next month or as late as July (yes Zack, you did let that one slip!). He won't give me a hint because he wants me to be totally surprised. (The only reason why I wanted at least a month time range is so I wouldn't be caught in sweat pants!)
I am applying to nursing schools but there is really only one option in the Fort Hood area right now. I need to take Intro to Nursing this summer so I would have to apply in the spring. What I WANT is to move in with Zack after my apartment lease is up in July. I planned on finding a part time job in Killeen and retaking a couple of classes to make A's for my nursing application.
Here is the problem to my beautiful plan: my family is very firm about not living together before marriage. In MY opinion, I would never live with a boyfriend. However, I feel like once you are engaged you have already committed for the long run so in my mind, I feel like you should be able to live together when you're engaged if you so choose. My parents don't know my plan and it won't even be mentioned until after a ring is on my finger. Zack feels like it should be based on what I want to do as a 22 year old woman but I feel like it's a strong family belief that would be wrong for me to ignore. My parents pay for my housing so to move to Killeen, rent a one bedroom, and have to pay all utilities by myself would be very expensive. It may also be only 5 months before we get married so I would have to break my lease or pay extra for a shorter one. Finally, I would probably still "live" over with Zack even if I had my own place. All in all, I feel it is most beneficial to just move in together.
What are your views on living together before marriage? What would you do in my situation and if you did want to move in together, how would you go about informing your parents of your decision?
Love, Heather
xo
Interesting... Matt and I didn't live together before we got married, although he had stayed the night at my mom's house a lot. Then, after we got married, he left for Iraq for seven months! I guess it could have been a mistake, maybe there's some wierd trait you don't know until you live with someone but because of the military, we kinda didn't have a choice. I say do what YOU feel is best and explain that to your parents. Hopefully they'll support you through it!
ReplyDeleteI get why it would be practical for you guys to live together. But, in my opinion, I don't think it's a good thing for marriage in the long-term (there are a lot of statistics to that effect as well). Ultimately, you are an adult, but I think you should talk to your parents about why they don't like the idea.
ReplyDeleteIt's tough with the parents - otherwise, I'd say 100% go for it. There are many stages to relationships, one of them being the 'together under the same roof' part :P and there will be kinks that need to be worked out (as I'm about to find out, finally! haha). I say if you are ready in your relationship to tackle those, go for it! You're an adult now, so it's your decision to make, but parents do still hold some leverage, especially if they're still helping you financially, etc. I wouldn't outright defy them, but aside from that obstacle, I think it's a great idea!
ReplyDeleteHey Heather! Personally, I did not want to live with Brian before we got married, but my situation was much different from yours. I graduated from college and 2 months later, got married. For me, I wanted marriage to mean that we finally were able to be together. We did 6 years of long distance.
ReplyDeleteBUT I definitely see the financial benefits and I think it makes sense for you two to live together. Also, you will be in a new place where (I'm assuming) neither one will have many friends. So you probably will be spending a lot of time, just the 2 of you.
I understand wanting to listen to your parents. There are some issues that just aren't worth the fight. This might be one of them, for you, or it might not.
Good luck with everything!
Because of lease situations and such, Mac and I lived together for about 4 months before we got married. My mom knew and didn't care because she knew it made more sense financially but other than her, no one knew. The only reason she didn't care was she trusted us and though we lived together, we were both still virgins on our wedding day.( I know that doesn't really matter to most people, but it did to me.) Anyway, what I am trying to say is that if I were in your shoes, I would just move in with him.
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